Let The Water Hold Me Down
by strictlyficly
Summary: Knowing everything he knows now, she is by far his biggest regret. So he listens and lets her sadness entangle in his own.
1. Chapter 1

**I hope you enjoy. But if not thank you for reading anyway.**

* * *

She is talking about something. He doesn't know what and if he were to be honest he doesn't care. He just knows that she's talking, and unlike the others she knows that it's in vain but she's doing it anyway. And it's not because she thinks it's helping him―it's her own therapy, everyone is so focused on him that they don't realize she's the one that's on the ledge trying to decide when to jump―even though he wishes that that were the case. Knowing everything that he knows now, she is by far his biggest regret. So he decides to listen and let her sadness entangle with his own.

"You have no idea how much I envy you." she says in a voice so low that he barely hears it and yet the shame lining it is loud and clear that shifts into something resembling bitterness as she goes on "You shut down and everyone comes together, the bright idea that you need to hear someone's voice so you don't get lost in your head. I'm the bridge between life and the afterlife, and have to feel every death of those that pass through me to get to the other side and they don't even blink."

The thought of her envying him is lost on him, but he supposes that it's better than pity. He thinks that if their situations had been reversed then maybe he would understand. But as he tries to connect the dots to her thought process…

He thinks that if his childhood friends showed more concern for someone that they've known for a few years than they did for him that he'd feel more than envy.

"Caroline...she was the one in here before me, right?"

Stefan knows that it's not really a question that she expects an an answer to, so he keeps his lips pressed together, letting his fingers glide along the wall as his eye twitches each and every time he hears a raindrop hit the pavement from the storm raging on outside.

He loves Caroline, she's his friend... _deep_ down he realizes along with everyone else that she is his best friend but as far as he's concerned you can only have one and his was Lexi, no one could ever take her place. Caroline was and is always there for him when he needs her but she doesn't know the dark side. She's been through her fair share of pain but she doesn't _get_ it. He doesn't regret their friendship...really he doesn't but sometimes he needs someone that really understands. Not someone who knows the right things to say and do when he needs them but someone who is fully aware that the thing that goes bump in the night is them. Someone that basks in the pain he feels, immerses themself in the tragedies that they allow to happen to them just so no one else has to. And he knows who that person is. She's the one that is five feet away from him, just as she's always been unless a situation was so extreme that it required otherwise, knees pulled to her chest, tears lining the bottom of her eyes as she just...speaks. And despite the thoughts that are running through his mind it's not until she shifts ever so subtly away from Damon when he suddenly appears in the room that he realizes that she is the female counterpart of himself. The tragic heroine to his broken hero.

He's afraid of the water and she's afraid of the cold.

It'd be funny if it weren't so sad. If the catalyst behind the phobias that they didn't even know existed until it happened to them wasn't the reason they could barely talk above a whisper when in its presence. His only happens every so often but she's surrounded by it on a daily basis. He thinks that it might be the reason she clinged onto Jeremy for so long until Liv stepped into the picture, all secret meetings and hushed tones, and let her insecurities and fear of history repeating itself get the best of her.

"Look," Damon sighs as he watches Bonnie shrink into herself, realization dawning on her that he's been listening to every word "I know that you have your...things going on but I really need you to-"

"Blood." Stefan croaks out and Damon lets out a long dramatic sigh before turning to leave mumbling a curse under his breath. He thinks it's strange how his brother barely put up a fight to his sudden request but figures that maybe the fact that it's the first thing that he's said since the storm began might have had something to do with it.

Stefan's smile is sad when he sees Bonnie let out a shaky breath of relief before she forces her features to go back to their default stoic and turns her gaze to meet his.

When Bonnie turns to look at Stefan she frowns seeing the sad smile on his face before he shifts until he's on his hands and knees crawling until he's at her side. The sight of it all is so strange to her that she can only stare at him in stunned silence as approaches her and pulls the hoodie over his head.

"Stefan…"

He silences her with a look, and gently takes her hands in his, lifting them above her head before carefully sliding it over her small frame, pulling the sleeves until they are well past her hands.

Bonnie looks at him eyes wide as he gently pushes her back to the position she was in before, then turning to rest his head against her chest. Only being able to watch on in stunned silence as he lies against her, holding her breath as she waits for him to move again just like he had before―each of his movements held a brief pause afterwards as if he were waiting for her protest―and when he does nothing but crane his head to meet her eyes she knows that he's asking for her permission, wanting to know if he had gone to far and when she does nothing, she feels his body start to relax as he curls closer to her, his hand finding hers, linking their fingers as they rest against his stomach.

Bonnie does nothing but stare at their now intertwined hands as she feels a new set of emotions twist within her own, the most prominent being content. And without thinking she raises her free hand to his head, absentmindedly running the pads of her fingers along his scalp. Raising an eyebrow when she hears something akin to a purr. A small tug at the corner of her mouth when she hears a suppressed moan when she gently drags her nails along the crown of his head. It's strange to her how easily this came. With the exception of Caroline and occasionally Elena it's the first time since her resurrection that she's felt warmth from a vampire's touch. Which eventually leads her to the conclusion that now that she's dead in a sense as much as they are, maybe the cold doesn't come from their skin anymore as opposed to their intentions or feelings towards her in general.

He's not sure why but he expected her to push him away so when he sees that she doesn't mind he feels a wave of warmth run through him, a small smile on his face as he listens to the rhythmic beating of her heart. Closing his eyes, he lets it drown out the sound of the rain that is pouring down outside. Forcing his breathing to remain steady once he feels Bonnie running her fingers through his hair. When he feels her nails lightly drag along his scalp he nearly moans but manages to fight it, forcing out a breath to steady himself when he hears her break the comfortable silence.

"Thank you." She whispers, resting her head on top of his as her hand drops down to his shoulder, frowning when she feels him shiver as if he were missing something.

"For what?" He asks his voice slightly husky.

"Not holding it against me. And for noticing." She adds after a brief pause.

"Just like with you, I just needed the right person."

"You needed someone that you knew would never be a mirage." Bonnie nearly scoffs.

Stefan flinches picking up on her own self-deprecation, clearly thinking that she's not someone that he thinks would want to help him on their own volition or need.

"Bon-"

"I'm sorry I never…" she trails off but figures that she succeeded in changing the subject going by the way that he doesn't jump at the chance to cut her off "I should've checked-"

"I should've known that something was off. You never included yourself when you talked about the future. You were just happy that we made it."

"Because we did." Bonnie insists.

"No we didn't." He argues, and if Bonnie hadn't seen and felt it firsthand she's sure that she would have believed him.

"Stefan, I'm not 'we' until someone needs something. And I get it."

Bonnie tenses when he suddenly breaks all contact to sit up and look at her and she has to fight back the emptiness she feels from his actions, feeling annoyance slowly take its place at his response.

"That's not true." He denies with a shake of his head.

"They didn't realize my story was bullshit until I didn't drop everything and come back to help them. Because _that's_ what I do. I help. So for me to all of a sudden just...not. It was their wakeup call. I know that they can be a little caught up in themselves sometimes but I thought that someone would be like...wait. Bonnie hates when I say that. And I was really hoping that Jeremy would call out of that dumb ass charade for once but...no." Bonnie huffs but stops and takes a deep breath remembering that she had an active part in his decision. Even pleaded for him to not drop the act and realizing that the rain has started to come down harder though Stefan doesn't seem to have noticed. "I'm sorry," she apologizes breathing out "This is about you. I'm supposed to be here for you. Not me." she shakes her head "How are" she stops and clears her throat putting a stop to the question when the answer is right in front of her "Is it getting better?"

"It was."

Bonnie looks down "I'm sorry." and pushes herself back into the corner, not surprised when he's immediately in front of her but makes no move to retake his position and she swallows when she feels his finger under her chin tilting it upwards until she's staring into a pair of intense green eyes.

"Stop apologizing. I'm not asking you to forget your problems just so you can focus on mine. And you shouldn't feel like you have to." Stefan adds when she finally meets his gaze again and his heart aches at the pain he sees there. He wishes that there was a way that he could take it on for himself just so she's spared for once.

Bonnie sucks in her breath when she sees his eyes drop from her own to her lips and tenses when he meets her gaze again. She parts her lips when she sees them darken, starting to tell him to stop, neither of them are in a good place right now, but before she can his lips are on her's, and they're away just as fast. Leaving her to shiver at the loss of contact despite how brief it was. It was the first time that everything was quiet, silenced the constant reminder of what she was sentenced to for the rest of her life.

"Bon, I'm sorry I-"

Bonnie frowns and shakes her head, raising her hands to pull him back to her, "I need this." She breathes her hands on either side of his face as she holds his gaze, his eyes seeming to reflect the want, need and understanding at what she feels. After weeks of nothing but pain, she needs to feel something, even if it won't mean anything by the next morning. She forgets about Damon. Forgets that Elena, Caroline, Jeremy, Tyler and Matt are supposed to be back at any minute as soon as Stefan closes the space between them. And soon the only sound that can be heard is mutual moans as heat starts to fill the room, the occasional soft thump of clothes hitting the ground before a sharp gasp and a throaty growl echoe simultaneously throughout the room as he slowly pushes himself inside of her, planting several kisses along her neck, smirking at her impatience when he remains still in what was originally an effort to let her adjust to his size but now to tease her.

Bonnie wiggles her hips, lifting them slightly when he doesn't take then hint only to roll her eyes when he raises his head from her neck to stare down at her, a smug look in his eyes. She slides her hands to his chest, ready to push him away but he chooses that moment to move, and going by the way he smiles down at her, he's clearly delighting in the moan that falls from her lips. Ducking his head down to plant a hungry kiss to her lips, feeling a sense of pride run through him when he feels her nails dig into his shoulders while her legs lock around his waist as she returns his kiss just as hungrily before flipping them over so she's on top.

"This is for me." Bonnie says against his lips, waiting until he nods in understanding before sliding her hands down his chest as she starts to move, smirking when she sees his eyes roll into the back of his head as his hands grip at her hips.

…

"No, your bestie decided to go off script and somehow brought out his Hero Hair." Damon says popping open the blood bag Stefan decided that he 'needed', taking a long sip as he reclines in an arm chair. He had just been on his way back to the basement when he had overheard " _You needed someone that you knew would never be a mirage."_ He thought Bonnie was only capable of lashing out at him. He wanted to go in and stop them before it got nasty but he decided against it. Knowing that no matter how mad the former witch got she wouldn't actually hurt his brother, at least not today.

"So he's okay?" Elena asks, concern clear in her voice. She had been there earlier but had to rush off to help Alaric along with Jeremy.

Damon sighs but decides to check in on the two self sacrificing dimwi...

His thoughts trail off and a frown settles on his face when his ears are greeted by the sound a soft _smack_ followed by a gasp. He figures that he has to be imagining things but when he scents the smell of Bonnie's blood become more potent along with a smell that he's never picked up before he knows that he isn't. He can't help but wonder what happened since the last he heard it sounded like they were more likely going to come to blows than anything else.

"Damon," Elena calls his name when he doesn't answer.

Damon tunes out when he hears a moan and goes back to his conversation "Stefan's fine." He answers the question with a smile, his eyes going to a wide eyed Caroline and a clearly amused Tyler as they walk pass the threshold into the living room "It seems like Bonnie still has a bit of magick left in her afterall." Watching as Tyler swiftly catches the box that slips from Caroline's grasp as her hands fly to her mouth, unsure if it's because of his statement or due to the sounds coming from the basement.


	2. Chapter 2

Bonnie stands under the shower head with her hand pressed against the cool tile, green eyes practically glued to the drain to avoid the various marks littering her body, a painful reminder of the former night's events. Letting the now ice cold water rain down on her skin. She's long ditched the body wash, common sense reminding her that no matter how hard she tried, it wouldn't wash what she did away. And the hiss from the shower head did nothing to drown out the voice in the back of her head calling her everything from backstabber to hussy, while another that sounds suspiciously like Damon's taunts that she can no longer take on the self righteous moral role in their little group anymore. Which didn't exactly bother her, it wasn't like she ever wanted that title in the first place.

She opts for a bath instead.

As she slowly eases into her clawfoot tub she finds it oddly poetic, scrubbing wouldn't wash away the shame or guilt that plagues her but soaking in it is what she'll do regardless.

She's smoothing lotion onto her skin when the soothing yet haunting voice of Maxwell wafts in the air, interrupting the silence of the room and and doesn't bother to look in the direction of her phone lying on the marble countertop a mere two inches away from her. Already knowing from the tone who it is.

* * *

Once word spreads it sends those that weren't present that night in their little group into a frenzy.

Stefan couldn't give less of a damn, firm in the stance of everyone being entitled to their own opinion.

Elena comes first, standing in front of him; hurt, rage and betrayal clear in her eyes as she asks him how he could sleep with her best friend. The urge to laugh at the situation is present considering where she now lays her head but he refrains. Why she's here in the first place leaves him wondering why she cares. They're not together anymore. Though considering that he had made her the center of his world, his end all, be all. Months of drowning and she was the one that he clung onto to keep him from flipping his switch despite her choosing his brother over him. How could she ever think otherwise? And yet,

"Contrary to popular belief around here, my world doesn't revolve around you anymore, as more as having to see you because we live under the same roof. Whatever happens between Bonnie and I is between us. It's really no one else's business."

She looks at him like she doesn't even know who he is anymore, her eyes wet, lips parted as her hand goes to her cheek. If anyone were to walk in the room, they'd think that he'd just striked her. He watches as she stares at him, almost as if she were waiting for him to say something else, assure her that she just had a brief mental lapse, that she just imagined the whole thing. And when he's still silent minutes later she presses her lips together and turns on her heel, her hand dropping to her stomach as she rushes out of the room.

The others come shortly after, and with the exception of Caroline―who only tells him if he's only interested in a play thing then he needs to find it elsewhere, the implication of what will happen if he goes against her warning clear as day―they go in one ear and out the other. Especially Jeremy's that came with the promise of a stake if he ever went near Bonnie again. Normally he would have taken it to heart but the hunter's abilities have significantly lowered since his resurrection. And even then, Jeremy never exactly struck a chord of fear in him.

His brother however is an entirely different story. Stefan expects taunting comments, lewd questions and amped innuendo. But days go by and he gets nothing, saved side glances in passing. He's confused by the elder Salvatore's reaction. If anything he thought that Damon would be happy. His night with Bonnie having officially put him out of Elena's somewhat fickle heart and solidified his own relationship with Elena. But the cocky attitude, the snark and the smirk that was practically tattooed on the dark haired vampire's face is still noticeably absent.

In its place are looks of hurt and barely restrained anger.

If Stefan was able to forget the woman that was staring up at his older brother's ceiling every night he would think that _he_ was the Salvatore that stole his brother's girlfriend.

* * *

He finds her in the park, on the merry-go-round where she somehow always had him doing all the work back when they were kids. Legs crossed as she stares aimlessly in front of her. There's a part of him that wants to plop down in front of her but decides against it, taking a seat on the dusty old metal slot to her left instead.

She hasn't been around much lately, which he couldn't blame her for considering the tension that fills the room whenever she, Jeremy and Elena are in the same room as of late. Remembering the brief look of hurt in her eyes when Elena barely looked at her the last time they were face to face while Jeremy didn't even look at or acknowledge her at all.

"Screw him," He says after a long stretch of silence, watching from the corner of his eyes as she turns to him.

"That's kind of what got me here in the first place." She mutters dryly, leaving him to laugh in response.

"I honestly could not give less of a damn about Jeremy anymore." Bonnie says after a moment "We weren't together when it happened and we aren't together now. If he wants to continue to play victim then that's not my problem and I'm not going to go out of my way to earn his forgiveness. I don't need that shit and it's not like he jumped through hoops to get me to look his way after he cheated on me. The fuck I look like?" she frowns, laughing when she looks over to see the stunned expression on Matt's face "As for Elena," she starts once she sobers "I don't even know why she's even bothering. She's screwing the man that literally tried to kill _all_ of her friends. And _actually_ killed her brother. She didn't act anywhere near this when Caroline started a relationship with her ex boyfriend so...she can miss me with that bullshit."

"Sorry," She apologizes after remembering who she was talking to.

Matt shrugs in response, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement, happy to see that she's genuinely unbothered by their friend's reactions to what happened. Having thought that it was the exact opposite.

"Then what is this about?"

"I've been back for a month and _this_ is what has everyone focused on me. It's not that I'm alive again. Everyone thinks that I'm miserable because the fucking Gilberts aren't happy with me, not because I have to feel the death of every supernatural that passes through me to get to the Other Side or that I don't have my magick anymore. It could never be because of what's going on with _me_ but because Elena and Jeremy are in their feelings because I slept with Stefan once. I'm not even sad," she admits through a self deprecating laugh "I'm pissed."

Her answer sends a wave of concern and wariness washing over him, through all the years that he's known Bonnie she's never really been one to use expletives and yet he can't really find fault in the sudden change considering the reason behind the sudden change of her behaviour. Afterall everyone has their limit and he thinks that it's about time that she's finally reached her's. Yet he stares at her needing confirmation that she's still there, waiting until she meets his eyes and nods his head, holding his hand out once he sees that they still hold their usual warmth.

Bonnie smiles and takes the hand that he offers, welcoming the silent show of support. Having been the only comfort she's gotten since her night with the youngest Salvatore with the exception of Caroline who is trying to maintain the peace between everyone.

 **...**

With her back pressed against one of the trunks of the trees on the outskirts of the park Elena blinks in shock at the words spilling from the former witch's lips so freely. She had came in hopes of running across Bonnie on her own knowing that this was where Bonnie came when she was sad and wanted to clear her mind or just escape from her thoughts but it seemed that Matt had had the same idea. However this was the last thing she ever expected to come across.

She supposes that in hindsight to Stefan's reaction to her feelings on the matter, she should have known that she wouldn't fare to much better with Bonnie. But she still can't help but feel taken back at Bonnie being the one to call her out on her contradiction.

She shows up at Bonnie's home a few days later having chalked it up to her just venting, speaking out of anger. But when she's met with the same reaction, she can only stare at her childhood friend not having an answer when Bonnie asks where was this reaction when Caroline started her relationship with Matt.

"That's different," She manages to say after gathering her bearings.

"How?" Bonnie frowns at her.

Try as she might she can't come up with an answer so she presses her lips together and leaves the room. On her way out of her friend's home she passes Caroline who blinks in obvious surprise at her presence, but she doesn't give the blonde a chance to say anything, going right to her car. After she slides behind the wheel she halts in starting the engine waiting for her green eyed friend to come to her, to apologize but minutes go by and she's still alone. She uses her enhanced hearing to find out what's taking so long and an audible scoff passes her lips when she hears Caroline asking Bonnie if she wants to talk about it to which Bonnie asks her what there is to talk about. If the silence is anything to go by Elena knows that she isn't the only one that is taken back by the change of their friend's attitude. But unlike herself, she knows that Caroline isn't all that torn up about it. If anything she might be enjoying it.

* * *

It doesn't happen again and she manages to avoid him for a week after their encounter. Going by how Elena confronted him, he wouldn't be surprised if the doppelganger was the incentive behind Bonnie's dodging. The only reason he even gets her alone is because Caroline has a night lab and Elena has recently decided to take full residence in the Boarding House instead of the dorm―the tension between the two childhood friends having seemed to not died down yet―and yet when he hears the door open and close and turns around to see Bonnie calmly walking inside, going to her twin sized bed before looking up to him he can't help the surprise that floods him at her reaction to his intrusion.

"You don't seem surprised."

"I'm not," Bonnie replies tiredly, clearly resigned to the conversation "You and your brother have a habit of following people when you're trying to find a valid excuse to talk to them. So…" She waves her hand motioning for him to speak.

"You've been avoiding me."

Bonnie lifts her shoulders in response to his statement, knowing that there was no point in denying it.

"Why?"

Bonnie stares at him for a moment "It can't happen again."

"Why not?"

"You're not available. I don't want to be a filler until you can get what you want and considering that what you want is my best friend..." She trails off knowing that they both know how that story would end.

"You honestly think that low of me?"

"It's not the point of me thinking low of you. I deserve to be put first, you can't do that until you're over Elena. And you're not. The second that she decides that it's you that she wants, that she realizes that she made a mistake, you'll go running back to her."

"Please don't," Bonnie breathes when Stefan only stares at her, knowing by the look on his face that he's about to try to convince her otherwise, letting out a shaky breath when she feels her back hit the wall having been unaware that she was even backing away from him in the first place. Watching as he walks until he's directly in front of her, "Stefan," she says in what was supposed to come off as a warning but comes out as something similar to a moan when he lifts his hand trailing a finger down the side of her face as his eyes drop from her own suddenly becoming fixated on her lips.

"You should go, we can just go back to the way things were before and pretend it never happened."

The corner of Stefan's mouth quirks upward at how the words that come out of her mouth don't match up with how her body is reacting to his actions, from the way she leans into his touch to her eyes fluttering shut when he leans down brushing his lips against hers as he says,

"I can't go back."

"She's the love of your life. You'd go back to her in a heartbeat."

He wonders if she's intentionally throwing his words back in his face but quickly remembers that he only uttered them out loud to one person. And then he starts to wonder if it still applies considering everything he knows now. In the end he decides that it doesn't but also knows that she wouldn't believe him if he attempted to deny them.

"Give me one reason that doesn't have anything to do with Elena Gilbert and I'll leave you alone and we'll go back to the way things were before and pretend it never happened."

He's cut her off at the knees and after minutes of searching her mind she gives up and has to look away not being able to take the smug look on his face at her continued silence.

"I shouldn't be okay with being what someone will settle for until they can have what they really want."

"No, you shouldn't." Stefan agrees as he holds her stare "But you never asked me what I wanted."

* * *

"I think you should give him a chance." Caroline says out of the blue, setting her pen to the side as she looks up, rolling her eyes when she's met with a confused expression on her green eyed friend's face.

"I got to leave a few hours early and I heard you guys talking." she admits, her eyes going to her hands when Bonnie frowns at her "It wasn't on purpose, I can't exactly control it and it has saved me from actually seeing some of the things that happen on that" her eyes go to the direction of the mattress to Bonnie's left "bed." She cringes and finally tears her eyes away, her gaze going back to Bonnie who has moved as far as she can without falling off of her own bed, noticing that the anger has faded away to something close to relief.

"You're in need of some serious loyalty and we have a good thing going on here," she pauses "I don't want to ruin it."

Bonnie grins and shakes her head in amusement "Not to mention you have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, that too." Caroline says in a tone that suggests that she forgot, smiling when Bonnie lets out a small laugh. It had been way too long since she's heard that sound and she can't help but feel relieved that there's a part of her friend that has managed to hold on since their lives took a downward spiral.

"He's not asking you to marry him, and if it turns out to be a bust…" she trails off averting her gaze remembering the sounds the younger Salvatore had elicited from Bonnie "which going by what I heard-"

A stuffed teddy bear hitting her face effectively cuts her off leaving her momentarily stunned before she settles for simply keeping the stuffed animal and finishing her sentence before speeding away.

"I really doubt that you won't want to go there again."

Bonnie closes her eyes and lets her head fall back against the headboard when the blonde flashes out of the room, taking her bear along with her.

Whenever Caroline had a point she couldn't deny it.

* * *

He's seated on the balustrade when his brother steps through the front door, a determined look on his face and he thinks that Damon is finally about to say something, put an end to the silent treatment, but his brother's attention goes to something behind him and when he turns to follow his line of sight, he sees Bonnie walking up the pavement of the driveway. Car keys in hand as she hits the button to lock it, stopping mid step when she sees them both staring back at her though her gaze is solely on him and he rises to his feet. Taking in her appearance, her hair styled in loose curls, light makeup drawing attention to her bright green eyes, the white sundress that stops just below her knees to the white sandals showing off bright pink nails and the tattoo marking her ankle. Her heartbeat takes over his senses and he starts to walk towards her but is stopped by both the hand that suddenly clasps over his shoulder so tight that he actually feels the bone crack under the grip and the door to the boarding house swinging open.

Caroline walks through, glancing over her shoulder to wave to Elena before sending a smile in his direction while the brunette only looks at him for a second, her eyes glistening and a subtle quiver of her bottom lip, and she's ducked back into the house. While Caroline takes off in Bonnie's direction who has slid behind the wheel of her car, making a point of not looking at either of them. Practically speeding away from the boarding house as soon as Caroline is seated.

* * *

She finds him waiting outside her Psych class a few days later and when she turns to her left she finds that the blonde that was previously walking beside her is nowhere to be seen.

"Caroline called," he starts, feeling the need to explain himself "asking me if I was free today. I said yes then she asked me if I wanted to go to-"

"The new coffee shop down the street with her after class?" Bonnie finishes, smiling when Stefan nods both coming to the conclusion that they've been set up "Well if you still want to go, I have a few hours before I tutor." She offers before she loses her nerve.

"You tutor?"

"I kind of feel useless without my magick. I guess it's some kind of coping thing."

Stefan frowns.

"It's stupid," she lowers her eyes, shifting on her feet "I know."

"Not at all." He disagrees watching as her eyes snap back to his, going on to tell her about the time he spent helping Katherine before she died.

…

They're just on their way out of the coffee shop, having talked about everything under the sun, from each other's interest and hobbies to other simple subjects getting to know each other outside of their supernatural ties surprised by how much they have in common . The only reason they're even leaving is because Bonnie needs to be at the library in five minutes, when Bonnie feels her phone vibrating against her thigh and slips it out of her pocket to see that it's who she's on her way to meet, glancing at Stefan with an apologetic look on her face before raising her phone to her ear once he nods in understanding but makes no move to leave.

"Scott?" Bonnie she greets with raised eyebrows when she hears a feminine giggle in the background and what sounds like the ruffling of sheets before his voice comes out on the other end sounding slightly out of breath.

"Hey Bon, I'm sorry to do this to you but I'm going to have to cancel."

Bonnie frowns but then it all suddenly clicks in her mind and she looks up to see Stefan struggling not to smile while she feels her face warm and quickly turns her back to the vampire.

"Bon?"

"Kira _was_ always better at helping you with Biology then I ever was anyway." She says not being able to help herself, grinning when she hears him clear his throat stumbling over his words as he says,

"'ll see you tomorrow."

Bonnie hums in response making it clear that she doesn't believe him offering to meet him the day after after tomorrow instead, taking the phone away from her ear and ending the call before he can reply. After a deep breath, she turns back to face Stefan, only to close her eyes at the grin that she's greeted to. Taking the hand that he offers, allowing him to lead her in the direction of Main Street, easily slipping back into the way they were before it came time for Bonnie's prior engagement.

Neither mentioning that the cancellation reeks of Caroline―since she mentioned that the werewolf's girlfriend was attending school back in California―but is clear to the other that they've came to the same conclusion.

* * *

He manages to find a silver lining through it all.

It's not his fault this time.

For once he's not the reason behind the tension in the room. No one shifts uncomfortably when he finally shows up for whatever activity or crisis that has forced them to all be in the same place at the same time.

It's Stefan.

But it's also Bonnie.

And when she steps into the room not too long after Stefan has and comes to a stop right beside his little brother _Someone has just took a gallon of gasoline and doused him in it, stepping back forming a trail stopping just before their feet_ The hint of red that colors her cheeks as she looks down shyly after Stefan looks at her with a smile on his face _They've lit a match_ And when his ice blue eyes drop from Bonnie's face to her neck when she raises her hand to push her hair behind her shoulders exposing a scar on her neck _It's slipped from their fingers and the trail is heading straight towards him_ He's claimed her.

Before he knows it he has his brother's neck in his hand and he's slamming him into the wall growling into his face that he should have never touched her. Keeping his eyes on his brother as he tells Bonnie that she should have known better, he thought she was smarter than that.

"Damon," A voice calls his name desperately trying to get his attention.

"Damon!" Just a bit more demanding this time.

He jumps and looks towards the source of the voice to see Elena staring down at him from her place on the arm of the chair he's currently seated in, concern clear in her eyes and he's confused until he picks up the scent of blood in the air and looks down to see that he's broken his crystal tumbler. Shards of glass stuck in the palm of his hand and fingers as blood oozes from the gashes while the contents of his glass have seeped into the fabric of his jeans. One look at his brother, catching the hint of a smile on Stefan's lips tells him that he knows the reason behind his brief mental lapse though hides it by lifting his own glass to his lips before making it worse by leaning over and whispering something that he doesn't have the time to catch into Bonnie's ear that has her whole face going red. Subtly elbowing him, she attempts to walk away until she's stopped by Stefan grabbing her hand, leading her out of the room as she sends a look to Caroline when the blonde snickers. And he can't help but roll his eyes, magick or no magick, they all know that if she really wanted him to stop she could make him.

* * *

"What's going on between you and Bonnie?"

"Are you asking because you genuinely want the answer or because Elena wants to know?" Stefan questions without turning to face him "Okay," he starts when he doesn't receive a reply "Well a few weeks ago everyone decided that they should try to talk to me when I was having a minor breakdown. Bonnie was the only one that got that I didn't want to talk or have any company but stayed and went along with it to placate everyone. I'm guessing you chose the time where she actually started to talk to come in but you know how that ended. She insisted that it couldn't happen again because I'm in love with her best friend who happens to be with my brother now...but that's a story for another time. I told her that I didn't care about said best friend anymore, she didn't believe me. So I asked her to give me a chance to prove to her that I didn't. Eventually she said yes―I have Caroline to thank for that―we went out, I'm pretty sure she had a good time because she kissed me at the end of the night. So what do you think is going on between me and Bonnie?" Stefan turns to look at his brother, raising his eyebrows when minutes go by and he receives no answer other than the tick of the elder Salvatore's jaw. Making him realize that his answer has made his brother aware that he was the one that set his relationship with Bonnie into motion in the first place.

Having grown tired of waiting, Stefan turns to leave only to be greeted with the sight of Elena standing at the threshold. The look on her face that use to drown out the voice of reason and let the ripper take control until the moral vampire regained consciousness and sent him back into his cage. He stares at her for a moment waiting for that feeling to come and when it doesn't he continues to make his exit. Hearing the wood beneath the brunette's feet protest against the shift of her weight to keep him in her line of sight as she utters his name so softly that he would've thought he had imagined it if not for the part of her lips when he spares her a brief glance as he rounds the corner.

* * *

Bonnie can feel his eyes on her and she does everything in her power to ignore him. She's never had a problem doing it before. So why does it take everything in her to do it now?

His opinion on what happened seemed to change overnight. Having gone from finding amusement in her embarrassment to looking at her as if she did something to hurt him and is begging for the reason why.

She purposely rifles through her bag pretending to look for something only stopping when everyone has left the room, dismissed from the latest meeting that briefed them on the latest threat―Caroline only leaving after she gave her a look having picked up on her stalling to which the blonde nodded and said that she'd wait for her in the car―though she can feel Elena's presence not too far away.

"Why him?"

She scoffs and stares at him, disbelief clear in her eyes as the reason behind his reaction clicks in her mind. She wonders how she of all people ended up in the Salvatore's never ending pissing match. But when she sees the look in his eyes, it sends her back to when she was eight and she asked her Father why her Mother left. The look that only disappeared when her Father's girlfriend at the time stepped into the room. And when she sees it fade away when she hears Elena call his name she can only sit there in stunned silence as Damon takes off in the direction of her friend's voice.

* * *

"I just don't understand why he cares."

Caroline stares at her best friend for a moment. Bonnie is nothing like Elena, putting two brothers against each other and waiting for something to push her into the direction of one instead of choosing all on her own. Bonnie never even knew that she was on his radar other than what she could do for Elena and himself. And no one ever cared to fill her in, already knowing she would never even entertain the thought, and Damon's head was so far up Elena's ass he probably hadn't even realized it himself.

"Are you sure about that?"

It's a harmless question, subtle enough to not outright tell her and yet the slight part of the witch's lips and the flash of uneasiness in her emerald eyes tells the blonde everything she already knew. If she's accidentally started a new war between the two brothers, Bonnie's not like their brunette friend, she'll make the right choice and most of all she won't change it or continue to string the other on under the pretense of a friendship that no one aside themselves actually took seriously. Giving them hope that if they stick around and change for the 'better' that maybe she'll change her mind.

* * *

Elena's fist hovers in the air just as it has for the past five minutes when she finally works up her nerve to bring it to the wood panelling of the door in front of her, it suddenly swings open and she's staring back at Bonnie who looks equally stunned before a look of suspicion quickly takes its place and she looks as if she's waiting for her to say something.

"Oh," her brown eyes drop to the suitcase at Bonnie's feet "were you about to leave?"

"Yeah, I have some errands to run and then I'm going to Whitmore."

"Oh," Elena breathes not knowing what to say.

"What are you doing here?"

The question hits her like a slap to the face. There once was a time where she could just show up and Bonnie would welcome her with open arms. No ulterior motives, but just because she could and wanted to.

"I don't want to fight anymore." Elena says suddenly "I shouldn't have acted the way I did, I was just taken back. But I'm fine with it now."

Bonnie's head tilts to the side at the brunette's declaration. The realization that Elena genuinely thought that she had the authority to just decide when they would stop fighting a fight that Bonnie wasn't even aware that they were in, settling in. Bonnie is unsure if it's arrogance or just the thought that it could never be any other way. Though now that she thinks about it, she can't really think of how the brunette could ever be led to think otherwise, but in the end she decides that she doesn't care and the sentiment must be clear as day on her face or she's accidently voiced her thoughts going by the next words that come from her friend's mouth.

"That's not what I meant." Elena replies with a slight shake of her head.

"You never could lie to me." Bonnie states after a moment, her voice containing just a hint of sadness.

* * *

She's lounging on her porch swing in the middle of turning the page to her book when she feels a shift in the air and she tenses thinking that her break from the pain is over. Afterall she can only ward them off for a certain amount of time before they come back, grown impatient from waiting to cross over. Only to sigh in relief when she looks up to see Damon.

"Are you okay?" He stares at her curiously, the relief clear in her eyes at spotting him though her heart is still pounding in her chest with no signs of slowing down.

"I'm fine,"

"You've never been good at lying."

"And you've never been good at pretending to care." Bonnie fires back, feeling an odd sense of deja vu.

The rage in his eyes is impossible to ignore and only fades when she narrows her own eyes at him daring him to disagree with her. And he has to fight the urge to smile at the realization that of all the times she's been right on the mark when it came to calling him out on his bullshit, this was the first time she was completely clueless.

"I didn't come here to fight or to ask you for anything, I just…" he stops when he remembers that that last part wasn't exactly the truth, watching as her shoulders slump and breaks their gaze.

"It's really none of your business."

"I know,"

"You're with Elena."

"I know," He repeats feeling uncomfortable with the direction that the conversation has turned.

"You shouldn't care, it's not like you ever have before."

"Because the others were someone to actually care about." He says, his voice laced with sarcasm, the smirk on his face back only to fall when he sees the look in her eyes as a small deprecating smile pulls at her lips but before he can rectify his assessment, her stoic expression is back in place.

"You should go," Bonnie says softly as she rises from her seat, going straight to her door not bothering with so much as a parting glance.

He sits on the porch swing and pushes back and forth with the heels of his feet, until he hears footsteps approaching and when he turns to face the arrival he sees Caroline standing at the door, keys in hand ready to unlock the door and go inside. Seemingly perfectly content with pretending as if he wasn't there at all but suddenly stops and turns to look at him,

"She's not Elena."

It's only three words but it feels as if she's just given him a powerpoint presentation on why he should stop while he's ahead. Painted a very vivid picture of the fallout that this would create. And yet all he does is stare at her for a moment before nodding his head. And neither are sure if it's in agreement or understanding. But they both know that he does not care.

* * *

"It's about time you got here Witchy,"

At the greeting she narrows her eyes and walks around the elder Salvatore and is just about to take the first step to the stairs when she scents several herbs in the air and feels an arm wrap around her from behind spinning her around.

"Hi," Stefan smiles "I have a surprise for you." He quickly cuts her off when she opens her mouth, pulling her toward the living room before she can ask him what he's talking about.

"Lucy?" Bonnie frowns seeing her cousin in the midst of making a circle with salt, looking up to her with a smile on her face.

"I asked Damon to help me find her and I called Abby to ask for her help," he starts tentatively unsure how she'll take it "I saw you have one of the more major attacks and called to ask them to help me find a way to ease the pain. So Lucy and Abby got together and I called Klaus and asked for a copy of Esther's Grimoire and Lucy took Ayanna's from him and left him a copy of it and…" He motions towards her cousin who nods when Bonnie turns to her.

"Abby wants to meet later, didn't think it would be the best idea to be here with the both of them." Lucy explains before turning back to Stefan looking at him expectantly.

"I also asked if there was a way for you to get your magick back, there is but it's up to you."

Bonnie stares at him for a moment then turns to Damon, his greeting registering that it wasn't just his poor attempt at humour.

"The deal is my contact with the Bennett line ends with you and I never speak to them again. A small price to pay." He adds smiling at Lucy who rolls her eyes but motions for Bonnie to come so she can start the spell. After years of Damon hovering in the background as her demented Guardian Angel she doesn't want to give Bonnie the chance to end it.

Thirty minutes later Bonnie has a bright smile on her face as she floats various items around the room before going outside to attempt to reconnect with the elements.

"You're letting Stefan take all the credit?" Lucy questions as she packs up her supplies, giving Damon a look when he remains silent "He's the compassionate one but this has you written all over it."

"It was his idea,"

"The pain getting taken away, yes. But getting her powers back, not so much."

"She would think that I would want it for me, not for her."

"Or she would know that you were the one that knew that the physical pain wasn't the only thing that was making her miserable. You picked a strange time to be considerate and selfless."

"Careful Luce, it almost sounds like you like me."

"I don't," Lucy shuts him down without the slightest bit of hesitation "I just like that you care about someone other than yourself, and that there's finally a Bennett that you genuinely give a damn about. The fact that my kid never has to know you is just a pleasant bonus." She smiles and pats his cheek twice as she saunters past him.

"What?"

"A deal's a deal." She smiles and closes the door behind her.

Damon stands in the foyer with a look between confusion and annoyance on his face. Up until Bonnie, Lucy had been his favorite, and as such he made a point of being in her life. Taking on the role of a somewhat older brother, he made her his replacement for Stefan at least until she came into her own and started putting various hexes on him in retaliation for when he overstepped in her life. Over the past couple of years he allowed himself to get distracted and completely lost touch with her but if she thought that she was about to drop that kind of news on him and pull the plug, he knew that she knew better than that. He's just about to reach for the door to go after her when he hears,

"Thank you,"

He briefly wonders if he's slipped into an alternate universe or imagined the whole thing but he figures he didn't when he turns to see the slight reluctance in her eyes before she continues.

"Stefan told me that getting my magick back was your idea. And I know how much you like to harass Lucy so...thank you." She smiles and walks up to him raising herself to the tip of her toes and places a quick kiss to his cheek. Giving him a smile that actually reaches her eyes before she turns around and walks towards the staircase, reaching her hand out to grab Stefan's who allows her to lead him away but not before giving his brother a look.

"That was a one time thing, never again."

Bonnie frowns and turns to face Stefan ready to tell him that he's not the boss of her but stops and nods her head remembering the history between the two brothers, understanding why it wouldn't be seen as the innocent gesture that she meant.

The closing of the door to Stefan's room is the last thing Damon hears and minutes later he's still in the same exact spot, the feeling of Bonnie's lips still present on his cheek. Until Elena comes in with a bright smile on her face, her lips going to the same exact spot, effectively making the smile he wasn't aware he was sporting drop. Though it's not like she notices, her back turned to him as she goes on and on about whatever she was blabbing about since she stepped into the room.

"So what do you say?" Elena smiles as she closes the space between them, her arms wrapping around his waist as she waits for his answer.

He knows he should ask what she's talking about but instead nods, not wanting to see the look of pure disappointment on her face that he's sure to get if he doesn't do otherwise.

"Really?"

A ripple of fear washes over him at her skepticism but once again nods. Her whole face lights up in response and he has to force the muscles in his face to try to mimic the happiness she so clearly feels. When he sees her brown eyes darken as a sly smile slowly graces her face he almost dreads what's coming next but he needs the distraction and the relief that it brings.

Even if it only lasts for an hour or two.

* * *

She rolls off of him with a dreamy sigh and a dazed look in her eyes. He's vaguely aware of her voice but another sound catches his attention. It's faint and he has to heighten his hearing to make it out. And before he can stop himself he's out of the bed.

"Damon?" Elena calls after him, a frown on her face, wincing at the sharp pain that rockets through her from sitting up clutching the silk sheets to her chest, watching as he steps into his jeans and wordlessly walks out of the room. If it weren't for her legs feeling like jelly, she would be right behind him but is content with falling back to the bed, attempting to tune her hearing to whatever has caught his attention. And when she finds it, she feels sick to her stomach.

As he walks down the hall he scents the smell of sage in the air that grows stronger with each step he takes that ultimately leads him to his brother's room―the door just shy of being closed―and the sounds of heavy breathing and bed springs screaming having only become slightly louder. Looking down to the floor he sees a soft glow at the threshold of the door and despite the voice in his head telling him not to, he slowly leans forward peeking into the room. And even though the sounds made it obvious to what was going on, the sight just makes it so much worse.

His little brother flat on his back with a look of pure bliss on his face as he stares up at Bonnie while she moves her hips to her heart's content, a moan falling from her lips as she throws her head back and speeds up her pace when Stefan slides his hands to her hips as he thrusts upwards. He watches on with a clenched jaw as she leans down towards Stefan who doesn't even hesitate to meet her halfway, his hold on her hips tightening as he helps her move up and down on him, lips plastered to hers as they rock together oblivious to anything but each other. He knows that he should leave but he feels rooted in place, watching as a smirk forms on his little brother's lips when Bonnie abruptly pulls away from him, her nails digging into his shoulders, breath catching in her throat as she reaches her peak. Leaving the candles in the room to melt down into puddles causing the room to go completely dark and the smell of sage to fade. His brother following shortly after if the growl that fills the room is anything to go by.

"Those were my last candles." Bonnie says through a breathless laugh, the sound of her voice now loud and clear.

"Then I guess it's a good thing my brother sleeps like the dead." Stefan remarks as the sound of sheets ruffling coupled with a small gasp assaults his ears before a loud moan echoes throughout the room. Making it clear that they were nowhere near being done and Damon turns to leave.

* * *

Stefan takes one last sip of her blood before pulling back and seals the marks with his tongue. Blinking in surprise when he's suddenly flat on his back, staring up at Bonnie who has a smirk on her face. He frowns in confusion when she seems fixated on his features but quickly realizes that from the throbbing in his gums that he's still in his vampire visage and he feels a small bout of panic wash over him willing the bloodlust to fade until he feels happiness flood him when she smiles tracing the veins with the pads of her fingers before they melt back into his skin.

"Do you need more?" Bonnie asks, feeling a tug at the corner of her lips when she sees the surprise flash across his face at her question.

For the majority of his relationship with Elena, she was human and he was fighting his vampirism in fear of hurting her and before that in fear of her running off screaming into the night. So to be with someone that he doesn't have to hold back with gives him a sense of relief and acceptance that he's never felt before. Even more so when he's reminded of what she is when they're supposed to be natural enemies.

Realizing that he never answered her question he shakes his head in the negative, leaning up to wrap his arms around her pulling her flush against him before placing a soft kiss to the bite mark, smiling against her skin when he hears her heart skip a beat.

* * *

Damon looks around the ballroom, disinterest clear on his face. Turns out that thing he agreed to was going to Elizabeth Forbes' wedding. It was one of the last things he wanted to do, having never been a fan of weddings in the first place but there were worse things. And right now was the perfect example as he stares at the couple swaying back and forth on the dancefloor.

He has everything he ever wanted.

Deep down he knows that it makes no sense but he thinks of this as his punishment.

Elena is his, yet his brother has still managed to come out on top, looking happier than ever as he's dancing with his witch. He looks away, in search of his own girlfriend and sees that she has a sad look in her eyes, following her line of sight and he's led right back to his brother and he can't help the bitter smile that pulls at his lips.

"You didn't drag your feet and you don't have that constipated look on your face."

"Well, when your girlfriend can send you to your knees and toss you around like a rag doll, it's best to just do as she says."

Bonnie looks at him.

"You love to dance, I'll do anything to make you as happy as you make me."

He would have snorted at the corniness of it all if Elena didn't look as if her heart had been ripped from her chest.

Wanting something that is not his is nothing new, but he knows that the same can not be said for his supposed better half. When she finally tears her eyes away from the two he sees the brief flash of guilt in her eyes. He wants to go and comfort her but they both know that that has never been their strong suit. He knows that she's aware just as much as he is that they can only provide comfort in one another in one way. And now is neither the time or the place.

Though going by the look on his girlfriend's face, he doesn't think that it'll matter for too much longer.

"We tried," Her voice cuts through the darkness of their bedroom later on that night leaving him equally stunned and relieved, he wants to stop her when he feels the weight of her head leave his chest but it's the first time he's been able to breathe in weeks.

* * *

He's opening the trunk to his Camaro when he hears an engine coming to a stop and he turns around to see Stefan helping Bonnie off of his Harley. Twin looks of confusion on their faces when they see several bags at his feet, until realization seemingly dawns on his brother.

He stays still when Bonnie walks up to him, her hand on his chest as she tells him to call if he needs anything and to let them know when he's set up before she takes off towards the door, leaving him alone with his brother.

"Are you coming back?"

"Not in this lifetime." Damon answers simply letting them both know why he's leaving. And while he sees the sadness in Stefan's eyes he can't help but feel as if his brother is relieved at his decision.

He couldn't say that he blamed him for it.

* * *

 **I wanted to make this a full length fic but this is all that would come out. Sincerest apologies if it fell flat or did not live up to expectations.**


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